


Six Christmasses

by elliceluella



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel
Genre: 5+1 Things, Christmas, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Matt deserves all the nice Christmasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5203331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliceluella/pseuds/elliceluella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 5+1 about how Matt spent his Christmasses, based on this <a href="http://daredevilkink.dreamwidth.org/6237.html?thread=10914909#cmt10914909">prompt</a> from the Daredevil Kinkmeme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Christmasses

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. At 9 with his dad  
> 2\. Without his dad  
> 3\. At St Agnes  
> 4\. At a high school party  
> 5\. Alone during college  
> +1 With Foggy and the Nelsons during law school

**1.**

"Alright Matty, you ready?"

Matt nodded in eager anticipation, grinning so hard he thought his teeth would fall out. This was the first Christmas in the Murdock household that involved a Christmas tree, and Matt already knew it was going to be special. Mr Madison their upstairs neighbor sold Christmas trees during the season, and by late Christmas eve, all he had were the unwanted trees no one wanted. He offered one to Matt and his dad since he was going to get rid of them anyway.

Never mind that the tree was scrawny and crooked-  it was a real tree, it was _their_ tree and its leaves smelled just like Christmas. They hung tin cans and whatever they could find around the house as ornaments, and his dad even managed to dig up a box of ancient Christmas lights. "I don't know if the wiring's still intact, but here goes nothing. Alright Matty, you ready?" They'd turned off the lights in the apartment before Matt flicked the switch on the Christmas lights. Green, blue and red lights danced around the branches, lighting up the ceiling above with colorful splotches.

"Yes! It worked!" Matt cheered, leaping into his dad's arms. "This is the best Christmas ever!"

Dad chuckled, and Matt liked how his laughter traveled through his chest. "Merry Christmas, Matty," he said.

"Merry Christmas, Dad," Matt smiled into his dad's shoulder as he stared at the tree.

 

**2.**

Christmas didn't even feel like Christmas anymore. It was just another meaningless day in another meaningless year.

His sight was gone, as was his dad, and with it the Christmas cheer. The carols he heard on the street, blaring from shops or coming from clusters of carolers sounded hollow. Sharp laughter from passers-by made him jumpy and his fist itched to hit something, anything. But then he felt a pang of guilt after he remembered the kind of person his dad wanted him to be, so he settled for balling his hands into tight little fists instead.

He kicked a pebble and felt a tiny bit better when he heard it go _thunk!_  against a trash can nearby.

"Ho ho ho," he muttered under his breath.

 

**3.**

St Agnes was stuffy and messy. It was even more so on Christmas day with the decorations and the carollers from nearby churches who stopped by. To their credit the nuns tried to make it as cosy as possible, but Matt knew cosy was just another word for charmingly messy. Christmas used to be a special thing between his dad and him-" _the Murdock boys' Christmas_ ," as his dad used to say. Now Christmas meant nothing more to him than an ache in his chest that made him feel all tight and bitter inside.

After their "special Christmas dinner" which was basically a larger portion of their usual dinner but with jello for dessert (the other kids lapped it up but the chemical smells put him off so he gave his dessert to Mary Sue instead), the nuns gathered them around the fireplace for a Bible story about baby Jesus in Bethlehem. Then they sang hymns before getting ready for bed.

He got choked up during one of the hymns because it reminded Matt of the times he attended Mass with his dad and grandmother, but he didn't want to be excused so he held it in till the knot in his chest got so tight it hurt. He let it all out once they were in bed and lights went out, muffling his sobs with his tear-soaked pillow.

 

**4.**

High school was significantly easier than middle school- there were little to no instances of bullying (reluctant as he was, he had to thank Stick for that one), he was topping almost every class, and judging by the flirty way girls acted around him, Matt guessed it had something to do with the way he looked.

Shelly Turner, the most popular girl in school and all around nice girl, invited Matt to a Christmas party at her house. He had half a mind to turn the invitation down but instead found himself in front of her door when push came to shove, because he didn't feel like spending the day alone.

The party was loud, too loud- so Matt dulled his senses with a beer. It also helped that the almost pungent smell and taste of cheap alcohol blocked out most of the funny odors that filled the house, because a house-full of people only amplified how weird they smelled.

But then he followed the scent of strawberry shampoo and light laughter that sounded like what he imagined stars would look like and found himself next to Shelly, who danced with him and made him laugh and made sure he wasn't sitting alone in a corner. At the end of the night she held up a sprig of mistletoe,  and gave him a kiss that made his toes tingle and soothed some of the ache that seemed to grow bigger during Christmas.

He walked home with a goofy smile plastered on his face and realized, a little belatedly, that this was the first time since his last Christmas with dad that he had smiled.

 

**5.**

Matt sat on the bench opposite the theater for a good twenty minutes and listened to some late night Christmas movie as it played for a small crowd who, like him, had nowhere better to spend their Christmas. Everyone at college had already left for winter break, and Matt didn't feel like spending the whole night alone in his dorm.

He'd had his dinner at the tiny diner near campus, where the waitress gave him a free slice of cake "because everyone deserves a little something nice on Christmas". Matt tried to pay for it but she refused with a kind smile that made her voice sound so warm he wished he could wrap himself up in it.

The movie was as clichéd as Christmas movies got, so Matt left once he got a rough idea how the ending was going to play out. He took a stroll through a park and stopped when he was right in the middle of a bridge, leaned over the side and listened to the quiet water below a thin layer of ice. Solitude. This was probably what the rest of his life was going to be like, he thought. He exhaled and focused on his puff of warm air as it wisped away into the cold night. A crunch of boots on the ground brought him back.

"Well, well. What do we have here, Jimbo?" A snigger.

"Easy pickings, Carl. Merry Christmas to us," Jimbo laughed.

Matt was so focused on the water that he'd failed to notice the two muggers until they were too close.

"Come on, boy. Hand us everything you've got if you know what's good for yer," Carl snarled.

Matt's hands balled into fists. "No."

"Whoa ho! We've got a fighter! This is gonna be f-" Matt never let Jimbo finish. He lunged forward, punched him in the nose and landed a kick square in Carl's chest.

"You crippled little shit!" Jimbo shrieked. "I'm gonna make you pay!" He flicked open his switchblade and rushed in reckless haste towards Matt, who calmly grabbed his wrist and twisted it until he heard a _pop_. Matt then flung him to the side, effectively knocking him out as his head hit the railing. Carl was on the ground, still wheezing. He raised one hand in surrender as he backed away from Matt.

Yup, this was what life was going to be like. Solitude and violence ( _but only when strictly necessary_ , Matt silently vowed).

 

**+1**

If there was going to be one time a year where Matt was going to treat himself to a slice of cake, it was going to be Christmas, Stick be damned. He'd only just put his feet up on his bed and was about to dig in when the door swung open.

"Foggy? Did you forget something?" Matt asked, fork midway to his mouth.

"Yeah, I did," Foggy huffed. "I forgot you, you doof. I'll pack some of your clothes while you finish your cake, then we're leaving," Foggy said, totally serious.

"Foggy, I'm fine! I told you I was having a chill Christmas and I am! Seriously, look. I'm even having cake," Matt said, pointing to his plate.

Foggy rolled his eyes. "I know I promised that I wouldn't pry about your plans for Christmas, but the thought of you spending the holidays with s _ome friends_ ," Foggy made air quotes, "which I totally know is code for your books - don't give me that face Murdock- is killing me. I'll drag you home if I have to, Matt. Not gonna let you spend Christmas at some... IHOP," Foggy gesticulated, "while you stare sadly into your waffles," he crossed his arms.

Matt sighed. If there was anything his class debates had taught him, it was that arguing with Foggy when he was 'in the zone' would be nothing but a fruitless endeavor.

"Alright, fine. You win." Matt conceded.

"Yes! All aboard the Christmas with the Nelsons train!" Foggy cheered. "I'm giving you the most beatific of smiles, by the way."

"I figured as much," Matt grinned.

There was music and laughter and oh- the most delicious Christmas ham Matt had ever smelled when they reached the porch. He started to fidget with his strap.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Foggy asked.

"Everyone sounds like they're having such a good time. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable," Matt confessed.

"Pfft," Foggy waved a hand. "Please. Everyone is gonna love you! Plus, I don’t think the word 'uncomfortable' exists in the Nelson vocabulary. And don't worry, I won't leave you alone with chatty Aunt Cathy."

Matt smiled.

“Well if it isn't my little butcher-lawyer,” Anna Nelson smiled, her arms outstretched.

“Hey mum,” Foggy hugged her. “And look who's here too,” he said, putting an arm around Matt’s shoulder.

Matt shuffled forward and gave a small wave. “It's nice to meet you, Mrs Nelson.”

“Please, none of that Mrs Nelson nonsense. Call me Anna!” She pulled him into a hug as well. Matt stiffened because he wasn't expecting that at all, but then he smiled and leaned into the hug. Foggy was right, his mum did give the best hugs in the world.

The next fifteen minutes was a whirlwind of introductions and various aromas from the kitchen that filled the whole house. There were aunts, uncles, cousins, and Nana Nelson of course, but Matt's favorite introduction by Foggy was cousin Liam's. " When Liam was a kid he wanted to be Liam Neeson so much he’d misspell his last name on purpose," Foggy continued. "Scribbled it all over his homework. But hey, it wasn't his fault that his name was one alphabet away from  a movie star's." Matt chuckled.

It was very difficult for Matt to remember which name belonged to which voice and heartbeat, but that worry soon dissipated because everyone reintroduced themselves whenever they spoke to him.

Matt's face started to ache from smiling so much because he couldn't remember the last time he held that expression for so long.Everyone was warm, welcoming and extremely curious about him. It seemed the entire Nelson household had read about his accident, because he found himself repeating, at least five times that no, he wasn't a hero, and that reading Braille was pretty easy once he got the hang of it.

He asked Edward, Foggy's dad, if there was anything he could help with, but all he got was a "Nonsense! You're our guest!" before he shooed him to Foggy's bedroom where Candace, his younger sister was.

"Damn. I hate to admit this but you were right, Foggy," Candace said. "Wounded handsome duck indeed," she murmured.

Matt couldn't help the blush that flushed his cheeks. "Please tell me that's not how you described me to your entire family, Foggy," he mumbled.

"Don't worry, he didn't," Candace said, and Matt smiled in relief. "Just to me, mum, and dad. Oh, and Nana, too." His smile slid off immediately.

Foggy shrugged. "Sorry, buddy. You were too good to be kept a secret. I'll let you have my extra slice of pie instead?" he offered.

"Hey Matt, how about for payback, I break out the family album and describe some of Foggy's most embarrassing photos to you?" Candace smirked.

"Great idea," he grinned and sat down on the bed.

"Don't you dare, Candace!" Foggy warned.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "What're you gonna do, stop me?" Foggy was about to come back with retort when Anna yelled for him to help with the table. Candace snickered as he left the room with a scowl.

Matt had never had so much food in his life. Sure, he knew the Nelsons weren't super well off or anything, but the food. Oh, the food. It was sumptuous and his plate was almost always overflowing and he had to restrain himself from going 'Mmm' several times because it was just that good.

Something must have shown on his face while he was having the mashed potatoes, because Foggy leaned over, chuckled, and asked "That good, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure these mashed potatoes are made of clouds, Foggy," was all he could manage before shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

He'd never had seconds before and now he was getting thirds and even fourths, because Anna and everyone else kept commenting about how small he was. Granted, in a house full of Nelsons, Matt certainly looked the part.

It wasn't until dessert (Nana's special apple pie with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream) that Matt realized something was missing. That cold ache wasn't there, not even a little. At first he thought it might've been dulled by the eggnog or all that food and Nelson cheer, but that wasn't it. It was completely gone. Matt let out a relieved sigh under his breath, and it struck him that he couldn't even remember the last time he exhaled.

He took the new weightlessness in his chest as a sign and decided to ignore his prior intention of eating around the ice cream, diving right in. Matt wasn't sure what he expected, probably unpleasant flashbacks regarding Stick or a melancholy of some kind, but what he felt when he put that first mouthful of ice cream in his mouth was...unexpected.

He swallowed slowly, smiled, and went in for another bite.  As the family roared with laughter at some joke Uncle Ted said, Matt found the perfect name for what that feeling was.

Home.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm currently working on another fic where I'll elaborate a little more on this Christmas (AKA Matt's first Christmas with the Nelson clan) :)
> 
> Update: It's finally [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5408255/chapters/12498074)! :D
> 
> Feel free to find me on [Tumblr](http://ellicelluella.tumblr.com/) if you'd like!


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